Pumpkins And Vulcans Don't Understand Each Other
by okeydokeyworld
Summary: Spock does not understand Halloween, just like all the other human holidays. He certainly doesn't approve of it either. But for Kirk and McCoy, who like their chocolates, their costuming, and their yearly TP-ing of the warp engines, have to get Spock into the Halloween spirit before he ruins the mood. And also make sure that Chekov wins the costume contest, while they are at it.


**Well, I don't know if anyone will like this, but hey, does it matter?  
I want to do something for Halloween besides dress up and take candy from strangers, so here is a short ramble about our Star Trek boys and Halloween. **

**This will probably run for three-four chapters, and end with everyone in a sugar coma.**

* * *

Spock stood in the doorway of the med bay, looking down quizzically at the two bright orange globes that adorned Dr. McCoy's desk.

The Vulcan had no idea what they were, or what they were doing in the med bay. The spheres did not appear to be alive, so Spock had dismissed the possibility that they could be alien life-forms.

Slowly, Spock stretched out one finger, and gently poked the thick orange skin of one of the globes. McCoy entered the med bay at that precise moment, followed by Kirk, the doctor was twirling a small saw in his fingers.

"Doctor, what are these?" queried Spock.  
"Pumpkins." McCoy replied.

"Pumpkins?" Spock echoed dryly, his eyebrows nearly kissing his hairline.

"Do you know what month it is?" questioned McCoy.

"It is October, the tenth month in human seasonal charts, also it is the twenty-ninth day of October, and it is approximately five-thirty in the afternoon." responded Spock.

"Yes, but what happens during October?" prodded McCoy. "Will something happen that I must be informed of ?" said Spock.

Dr. McCoy pulled an appropriately disgusted face. "Never mind." he growled.

Spock was persistent though. "What is the purpose of these objects?" he said.

"They are not objects, they are vegetables, don't you like vegetables Spock?" McCoy shot back.

Spock ignored the Doctor's jab at his Vulcan traditions."I will re-phrase my question, for what reason are you utilizing these...pumpkins?" asked the Vulcan.

"We need to carve them for Halloween, Spock." said Kirk. "What is Halloween?" was Spock's immediate query.

McCoy spun around to face the Science officer, annoyance clearly written across his features. "Get out of my med bay, Spock!" he snapped, waving his miniature saw threateningly.

Spock complied with the orders of the irate Doctor and excused himself from the med bay.

The human half of his conciseness soon filled Spock with enough curiosity to make him go down to the computer in his room, where he spent the rest of his day researching 'Halloween.'

The results of his research left him unamused.

The next day, Spock presented himself on the bridge to begin his shift, however he did not go directly to his usual seat at the science station, but lingered by the captain's chair.

Kirk glanced up at the Vulcan hovering behind him. "Something on your mind Spock?" he asked.

"Yes Captain," replied Spock crisply.

"Then spit it out" said Kirk amiably.

"I fail to understand the logic in the manner by which you celebrate your tradition of Halloween." said Spock. "Wha...?" Kirk gaped in disbelief.

"Apparently, Halloween is celebrated by consuming vast quantities of condensed sugar, mutilating pumpkins, perpetrating inconsiderate pranks, and masquerading as fictional characters," continued Spock.

"All that is just...tradition, Spock." Kirk said weakly.

"It is illogical." protested Spock stoically.

The young starship captain groaned inwardly, it was too damn early for any of his science officer's critiques on Earth customs.

"But it is fun, Spock," Kirk whimpered.

"May I point out that some of the rituals you humans subject yourselves to in order to achieve your concept of 'fun' usually borderline on the suicidal? Especially for you Captain." Spock tacked on as an afterthought.

"Spock, it will be celebrated with the utmost caution on my part, don't worry." moaned Kirk.

"It is not you whom I am worried about Jim," replied Spock. "It is Dr. McCoy, the entire proceedings seem to be delighting the good doctor unnaturally."

"Of course!" Kirk blurted out without thinking."This is the one time of the year that everyone will actually listen to him."

"And why is that, Jim?" questioned Spock.

"Because if they don't, he will confiscate and eat any candy they have collected on Halloween." explained Kirk.

Spock's eyebrow made its familiar ascent to his hairline."Jim, Dr. McCoy is the ship's Chief Medical Officer, surely he would know better than to sicken himself by eating an amount of processed sugar that was intended for four hundred people."

Said doctor made a cameo on the bridge at that very second.

"Jim!" the doctor called out, striding through the turbo lift's doors and lounging gracefully against the bridges' railing, "Have the medical supplies arrived from Starbase 9?"

Kirk sighed, "No Bones, they said they were having difficulties with transportation, the whole shipment will probably be delayed considerably."

The doctor mumbled something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like 'incompetent bastards'. Kirk softly snorted in amusement.

"We have no pressing assignments Bones, we can just go back to Starbase 9 and retrieve them ourselves." said Kirk. "Mr. Sulu, plot course for Starbase 9."

Spock's level voice broke into Kirk's hearing once more."Captain, during the course of my research, it was mentioned several times that the people in costume will receive...candy from their family and neighbors. Why do both parties willingly participate in such an unhealthy habit?"

"Spockkkk." whined Kirk in a drawn-out groan. "No more questions." Spock accordingly conceded to his captain's request, and retreated to his chair.

Dr. McCoy stared questioningly at Kirk, "He just does not understand Halloween, Bones." muttered Kirk.

A malicious grin wormed its way onto the CMO's face.

"Invite him to the party at Base 9, Jim." he said.

Despite the tiny voice inside his head yelling at him that placing a Vulcan in a setting fraught with so much illogicalness was a recipe for disaster, Kirk ignored it in favor of the choosing the quickest way to diminish his science officer's respect for the human sanity.

"Spock." Kirk called out.

"Yes Captain?" was the brisk reply.

"I would like you to attend the annual Halloween ball at Starbase 9 with us Spock, it might be a learning experience for you."

"Yes, Captain." was Spock's only response.

Kirk blinked in surprise, he had expected more resistance from Spock.

Spock however, was certain he would be mentally scarred regardless if he attended the party or not, and logically saw no use in prolonging the inevitable.

Up above at the navigation console, Chekov and Sulu possessively held two bright pink cans of liquid plastic.

If Spock noticed, then he chose not to comment.

* * *

The next day, on October the thirty-first, Kirk and Dr. McCoy accosted Spock as the Vulcan walked out of the science labs.

"Gentlemen, is there a reason for this unorthodox greeting?" said Spock as he was dragged away.

"Spock, stay calm." said Kirk, as he escorted his first officer into the nearest turbolift, "We are just trying to help you understand Halloween."

"I do not understand." said Spock. "Perhaps you would care to expound on your reasons for carrying me off in this manner?"

"Spock, we are attending the annual Halloween ball today, but you have to be dressed a certain way to attend." said Kirk.

"I see, do I require a dress uniform for tonight's festivities?" said Spock.

Kirk and McCoy simultaneously face-palmed.

"No Spock, you require a Halloween costume," said Kirk. "But Bones has already picked you out a nice costume, and we are here to make sure you get to the ball in style."

In silent resignation Spock allowed himself to be led to his room, once the trio was cloistered in the Vulcan's quarters, Dr. McCoy handed the science officer a peculiar set of clothing.

"Doctor, what is this?" said Spock, as he examined the garments with distaste.

"I thought of it myself," said McCoy proudly, "It is an elf's costume, it's meant to go with those insufferable ears of yours."

"Well, aren't you going to put it on?" said Kirk.

"Jim, I require privacy to dress." Spock said in resignation, seeing no way out of his current situation.

"Ah...yes Spock." said Kirk, grabbing Leonard's arm and pulling him out of the room before the air became too awkward.

Kirk and Leonard waited outside Spock's door for a good twenty minutes before the Vulcan finally emerged in costume.

Spock stepped out of his door wearing a long, light green tunic, a leather belt and vambrances, grey leggings, brown boots, a dark grey cape, and most importantly, he had a quiver of arrows slung over his back, and was carrying a bow.

"Doctor, what character am I supposed to represent?" questioned the science officer.

"You are dressed up as a character called Legolas, he is an elven archer from an old book series called Lord of the Rings." said a grinning Kirk.

Spock accepted the explanation in silence, but he became a great deal more vocal when Dr. McCoy attempted to complete his costume by placing a blond wig on his head.

"Doctor, I do not wish to wear that." said Spock.

"I didn't ask you if you wanted to." McCoy sassed back.

"Nevertheless, I _will not_ wear that wig, Dr. McCoy."

"As the ship's Chief Medical Officer, I am ordering you to wear it." snapped McCoy.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, we have a ball to attend." interrupted Kirk. The young captain looked at Spock, "Just wear the wig, Spock." he said.

"Very well captain." said Spock tightly, as he adorned his raven-colored hair with the garish wig.

Dr. McCoy grinned in approval. "May we proceed to the 'party' Jim?" said Spock.

"We will beam down to the party as soon as we have picked up our own costumes Spock."

"Your costumes, Captain?"

* * *

 **And so I will have you wait a bit now, until I can make myself write the next chapter.**


End file.
